when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
