then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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