Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
