About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
