Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Your penis caused this!
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