That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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