You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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