Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
