I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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