I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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