I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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