OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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