This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize