I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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