No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
