just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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