I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
