I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
