you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
