WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
