Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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