put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
