who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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