the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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