Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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