Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize