I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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