i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
