My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
