i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
