Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
