so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
