so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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