just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
