I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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