the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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