the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
