Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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