I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
