I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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