You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
