And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
