He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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