the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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