I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
