maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
