i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize