Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
love makes seman taste better
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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