party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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