He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
