If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
love makes seman taste better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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