dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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