I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
