Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
