Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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