I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
