Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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