I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
