So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
