when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
