You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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