Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
