We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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