yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
