I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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