I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
