Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
