drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
