Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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