I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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