I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
