He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize