The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
