ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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