if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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