i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
